My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
