i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize