i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize