Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(478): View more from Georgia

This is not my ceiling

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.

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(408): View more from California

worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum

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(863): View more from Florida

And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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(620): View more from Kansas

Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...

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(251): View more from Alabama

He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?

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(815): View more from Illinois

We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.

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