My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
