So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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