And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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