I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
