Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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