Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
