It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
