nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize