Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
