he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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