Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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