Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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