bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
