I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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