Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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