So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
