i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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