The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
