We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
