i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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