Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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