the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
