your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its liver damage thursday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
