Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
