I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Two words: nipple clamps
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
