So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
