So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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