The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
