fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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