Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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