hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
