Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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