I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
