Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
