you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
