last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
