I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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