I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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