hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize