Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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