its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
