she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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