nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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