We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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