scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
