I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize