If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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