im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
