I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
