Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
