Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
