i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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