why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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