I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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