How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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