Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
