She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
