The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
