im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
