Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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