Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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