thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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