no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
where does the pee come out of this thing
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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