she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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