when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
