people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
